"I won it at bingo"
There was once a couple. He was a hard working, good man, but things weren't working too well for him. The wife of course wanted fancy clothes, expensive jewelry, the lot. One day she comes back home with a diamond necklace.
- "Where did you get that diamond necklace?" the husband asks.
- "I won it playing bingo, of course!" she replied.
The following night she comes home with a mink coat.
- "Where did you get that mink coat?" the husband asks.
- "I won it playing bingo, of course!" she replied.
The following night she comes home with a brand new car.
- "Where did you get that brand new car?" the husband asks.
- "I won it playing bingo, of course! Now stop asking me stupid questions! Instead you could go upstairs and run a bath for me.
The husband complies and goes upstairs to run his wife a bath. But when the wife came into the bathroom she was surprised to see that there was not enough water in the bath tub.
- "Why did you put so little water in the tub?" she asks.
- "I didn't want to wet your bingo card!" the husband replies.
"Osama Bingo party"
- How do you break Osama Bin Laden's bingo party?
- Call B-52.
"The ten commandments of bingo"
- Thou shall not sit in the neighbor's lucky seat.
- Thou shall not stare at the neighbor's card.
- Thou shall not take the Callers name in vain.
- Thou shall not call false "Bingo".
- Thou shall not wish bad luck on the neighbor.
- Thou shall not threaten to kill the "Caller".
- Thou shall not steal the husband's money for Bingo.
- Thou shall not brag about how much thou hast won.
- Thou shall not whine about how much thou hast lost.
- Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's winnings.
"Blondes and Bingo"
At the "All Blonde Bingo Hall" it is Ladies Only Night. The hall is filled with blondes playing bingo. Unfortunately nobody has yet to call bingo. It is the final game of the night and since no one had won so far, the bingo was up to $5,000. The caller eventually runs out of balls.
- "How come none of you called bingo? There are no more balls left! What number are you waiting for?" the caller desperately asks.
- "Free space" all the blondes reply.
"Better than Bingo"
At the head branch of the Chase Manhattan Bank a little old lady with a large paper bag walks in. She walks up to the teller and tells him that she wants to make a large deposit. Apparently she had $3 million in the paper bag and she wanted to deposit all this money.
- "Since I am depositing such a large amount of money I would like to meet the president of Chase Manhattan Bank first", she said.
The teller thinks about it but after seeing all that that money in the paper bag he agrees to the old ladies request. He escorts the old lady to the president's office and introduces her.
- "I would like to get to know the people I do business on a more personal level", the old lady said.
- "How did you come into such large amount of money?" the president of the bank asked. "Did you inherit it?"
- "No", the old lady answered.
- "Did you win it playing the stock market?" he asked again.
- "No", the old lady answered. "I won it betting."
- "What do you bet on? The dog track perhaps?"
- "Oh, nothing so trivial. I bet people."
The bank president was stumped. He could not understand how this could be.
- "Look sunny. I'll bet $25,000 that your balls will be square by 10 A.M. tomorrow. Are you up for this bet?"
The bank president thought it over and eventually took the bet. After all, there was no way he could possibly loose.
The old lady left the office with a smile on her face. For the remainder of the day the bank president was extremely cautious. He did not even go out that night, though he had plans. There was a lot of money on the line and he was not about to take any chances.
The bank president woke up the next morning and everything was as it should be. Happily he went to work and waited for the little old lady to come by at 10 A.M. He was anxious to win the bet and get the $25,000. The bet was as good as won.
At 10 A.M. sharp the old lady and her lawyer were in the bank president's office.
- "Do you mind if my lawyer assists? I always take him along when large amounts of money are at stake."
- "I do not mind at all. You should know that nothing has changed since we parted yesterday. Everything is as it should be. The only thing that has changed is that I am $25,000 richer."
- "Do you mind if I take a look to make sure? Could you take off your pants and bend over?"
The bank president did just that and the old lady grabbed him by the balls as her lawyer watched. The old lady admitted that she lost and paid the $25,000. But all this time she had a strange grin oh her face.
- "What are you smiling for? You have just lost $25,000."
- "I bet my lawyer $100,000 that today at 10 A.M. I would have the president of Chase Manhattan Bank by the balls."
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